What a battle I have been in!!!!  This world we live in has become a very scary place!  Everywhere I turn I hear of the pure evil wrought on Jews and Christians, as well as others.  I have found myself absolutely gripped by fear.  The kind of terror that seizes the heart, and paralyzes the soul.  I have been so overwhelmed that even crying out to God has been almost impossible.  I was afraid to be awake, and afraid to sleep.  Afraid to be home, and afraid to leave.  If anyone knew my mind, they would probably recommend counseling.  I refused to talk to anyone about it because I didn’t want to take the chance of filling them with the same fear I was carrying.  Finally, though, I contacted the one person I felt would understand and would have strong enough faith to not come under attack.  The funny thing is, God did not reach out to me through her.  Watch what happened.

The night I wrote to my friend, my husband and I took our boys out for Chinese.  You will never guess what my fortune cookie said.  I don’t normally give much credence to those little sayings, but this one was pretty obviously penned by God’s hand.  It said, “For light, go directly to the source of the light, not any reflection.”  Really??  Wow!!!

The next morning I read a passage from the Jesus Calling daily devotional by Sarah Young (February 1st entry).  This is what I read:  “You see huge mountains looming, and you start wondering how you’re going to scale those heights.  Meanwhile, because you’re not looking where you’re going, you stumble on the easy path where I am leading you now.  As I help you get back on your feet, you tell Me how worried you are about the cliffs up ahead.  But you don’t know what will happen today, much less tomorrow.  Our path may take an abrupt turn, leading you away from those mountains.  There may be an easier way up the mountains than is visible from this distance.  If I do lead you up the cliffs, I will equip you thoroughly for that strenuous climb.  I will even give My angels charge over you, to preserve you in all your ways.  Keep your mind on the present journey, enjoying My Presence.  Walk by faith, not by sight, trusting Me to open up the way before you.”

Sometime that same week I read Matthew 14:25-32, the story of Jesus walking on the water to the boat which held his disciples.  Do you remember?  Jesus walks out on the water (on, not swimming through) to the disciples.  It’s dark out, and when the men see Him, they get a bit spooked.  I’m not going to judge them.  I’m thinking I would be in much the same condition.  But Jesus calms their fears.  “Be of good cheer!  It is I; do not be afraid.”  Then impulsive Peter decides he wants to try this walking on water thing.  Jesus tells him to come out and Peter does.  He’s walking…he’s walking….  The wind blows…he looks around him…and sploosh!  Down he goes!  But here’s the good part.  Verse 31:  “And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, ‘O you of little faith, why did you doubt?'”  I penned a note in my Bible by that verse.  “Jesus was ready to catch Peter, and He was gentle in His reproach.”  That note is the message the Spirit gave me as I read that verse.  What comfort!

It is interesting to note verse 32:  “And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.”  The wind caused Peter to fear, and to take his eyes off of Jesus.  It planted the seed of doubt.  And when he was no longer looking at the Savior, he sank like a rock.  How much like Peter I have been!!!!  The evils of these last days planted a seed of fear and doubt.  I took my eyes off of Jesus and plunged to the bottom of the sea.

In the past couple of weeks, since my initial letter to my friend, I have cried out to God, seeking the truth of His light, and not the reflection of His light from my friend.  I have asked Him to deliver me from my fears and doubt, and have been working hard on focusing my attention on the path that He has me on right now.  I have avoided the sources of information that are the “wind” to my fears, and am narrowing my eyes to see Jesus.

I end on a word spoken to my heart just yesterday through the song Blessings by Laura Story.  Just one line that struck deep to the core and begs the question, or perhaps more accurately, punctuates the truth of what I believe:  “As if every promise from Your word is not enough.”  Jesus has promised not to leave me, even until the end of the age (Matt. 28:20).  I am setting my heart anew to stand firm in the promises of my God.  He spoke them.  And I believe them.